Teach Me to Number My Days...

So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12

In the past few months, God has really been challenging me to "number my days." In a very short time I will be leaving my family to have a new adventure at Bible college. I will be gone for a year, and there are so many emotions coursing through me-- excitement for new friends and all the things I will learn; fear of the unknown, the unfamiliar, the future; and sadness at leaving behind the people that mean the most to me in this world, even if only for a year. So much will change. I know God will do amazing things in all of us while I'm gone, but it doesn't lessen the pain of leaving them.



So I have been spending as much time as possible with my family, numbering every day, every hour, every minute.



What if we always lived like that, counting every day and hour and second of our lives? What if we stopped taking our loved ones for granted? What if we saw every moment as a gift from God and not something to be squandered? How much richer and fuller our lives would be if we saw every day as a blessing and not just monotonous carrying-on!

Remember Who put you here on earth-- and for what reason. You were not placed on this earth to satisfy your own desires, to accumulate wealth, or to have hundreds of friends. You are here because God wants you to be, because He has a divine and perfect purpose for your life. There is a reason God placed you exactly where you are. If you're not sure what that reason is, ask Him. He gives wisdom to all those who ask Him sincerely.

Now I challenge you, as I have been challenged, to live each day to the fullest. You don't know how long you have left on this earth. If you were lying on your deathbed tomorrow, would you have regrets? Would you have wished you had lived differently? What if a loved one died tomorrow? Would you have peace in the fact that you loved them and that they knew it? Or would you be forever haunted by unsaid words? Don't take anything for granted-- learn to number your days, because no matter how long you live, you only have so much time. Make it count!

Psalm 6

I was reading through the Psalms and got a crazy idea-- what if I were to rewrite some of the Psalms in my own words, making them rhyme? I'm certainly not the first to do this, but I thought it would be fun.
*Note: This is not in any way supposed to be a different version of the Bible or anything, and I worked very hard to capture the essence of the words and ideas of the Psalm, but this is my own personal take on the Psalm.

First read the Psalm I based my poem on:

Psalm 6 (Prayer for Mercy in Time of Trouble)
O LORD, do not rebuke me in Your anger,
Nor chasten me in Your wrath.
Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am pining away;
Heal me, O LORD, for my bones are dismayed.
And my soul is greatly dismayed;
But You, O LORD—how long?
Return, O LORD, rescue my soul;
Save me because of Your lovingkindness.
For there is no mention of You in death;
In Sheol who will give You thanks?
I am weary with my sighing;
Every night I make my bed swim,
I dissolve my couch with my tears.  
My eye has wasted away with grief;
It has become old because of all my adversaries.
Depart from me, all you who do iniquity,
For the LORD has heard the voice of my weeping.
The LORD has heard my supplication,
The LORD receives my prayer.
All my enemies will be ashamed and greatly dismayed;
They shall turn back, they will suddenly be ashamed. (NASB)

My poem:

Psalm 6
O Father, please don't punish me
In anger or in wrath.
My body is faint and feeble;
Remember I am empty chaff.
My heart aches deep within me
As I wonder, Lord, how long?
It feels like You've abandoned me;
Without You, I can't be strong.
Come back to me, O Lord,
Despondence haunts me in this place.
Lift me from this pitch-black hole;
I'm desperate for Your grace.
For if I were to die right now,
How would I give You praise?
Would those around me see Your Light?
How then would they be saved?
As I stare into the darkness,
My eyes fill again with tears.
I'm weary of so much mourning,
Sick of having so much fear.
My eyes wetly burn; my cheeks, they sting;
In tears my pillows swim.
As I think back on all that's been
My hope steadily grows more dim.
I want no more of evil friends
Who entice me more to sin.
My Father has heard my cries of pain
And He leads me back to Him.
I know He has heard my pleading,
He's seen my grief and shame.
"Remember, child, I made you,
Then I called you out by name."
You will defeat my enemies,
And turn them back in shame
While I thank You for Your immeasurable love
And forever glorify Your Name. 
©Ashley Coupe 

Transparency

Here in Ecuador the Coca-Cola Company recently released a limited-edition Sprite. It now comes in a clear, transparent bottle. Dad bought one of them today, and after looking at it, I realized that we as Christians should be like this bottle.
Many of us hide our feelings behind the facade of what we feel a Christian should be-- joyful, happy. After all, Jesus gave us joy-- we should never feel down or discouraged, right?
I know that I am the kind of person that pretends everything is great, that I'm the happiest person on earth, that I never get discouraged. But then when I'm alone, I let my true feeling show through. I suffer in silence, hiding my pain behind a smile when I'm with others, trying to show everyone that I'm just great. Why? How on earth does this help me? Why do I let myself block other people out? Why don't I share my hurts with other people?
Because I'm scared.
I'm scared people will judge me, or that they won't understand me. I'm scared that no one will truly listen to me. I'm scared that if I open myself up and allow myself to become vulnerable, I'll open my heart and share it with others. The sharing itself is what I long for, but what scares me is the loss. I've left behind every friend I've ever had. It's what happens when you're a missionary kid. So sometimes, I have a hard time opening up and letting myself be vulnerable when I know other people could take that vulnerability and stomp all over it, breaking my heart in the process. Or maybe it's not the person's fault at all, but circumstances that cause separation and more pain.
A song from my favorite band challenges Christians to open up and stop their pretending:
"Would it set me free if I dared to let you see the truth behind the person you imagine me to be? Would your arms be open, or would you walk away? Would the love of Jesus be enough to make you stay?" --"Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns
Another song talks about the same thing:
"I'm just a well-dressed trick, I'm just a made-up mess, working hard trying to keep everybody impressed. All the while I'm falling apart on the inside. I look around to see, is anyone like me? First glance tells me, I'm all alone in the sea. The I look again, a little deeper. And we're all in the same boat, we all just need to know... We're all broken, we're all broken, and we all need a Savior... What if we all got brave, enough to take away all we're hiding behind, even just for a day? And let the scars show, even a little? I know the honesty would show us all to be... Broken, we're all broken, and we all need a Savior. We don't have to pretend about it, we don't have to keep acting like we're all okay. If we lift our eyes to the cross we'll see the reality... We're ALL broken."
--"Broken" by Steven Curtis Chapman
Many people, myself included, feel weak when they cry around other people-- or at all. We as Christians are promised hardships, but God doesn't want us to pretend we're not having them. It's not shameful to be suffering. God wants us to encourage each other, but how can we encourage each other if we're all hiding our pain?
Gos wants us to be like the new Sprite bottles: transparent. We need to share with others in our struggles and weaknesses. And we need to listen to other peoples' pain and suffering.
I challenge you-- and myself-- to stop hiding behind our fake smiles. Take off the mask, and show yourself for who you really are. Make yourself vulnerable, even if it means future pain. And then, listen to others--feel their pain. "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep" (Rom. 12:15). God gave us Christian brothers and sisters to love and support, who are supposed to love and support us back. People who don't judge each other, because we're all sinners. People who, with God's love, must help and nurture and accept every person who suffers.
Be this kind of person. Open up, and then make other comfortable to open up around you. You'll be amazed at the encouragement and love that can be achieved.
"Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" (Gal. 6:2).
Be transparent!

New Opportunity

I've been praying a lot about what God wants me to do with my life.
There are so many options. I've always wanted to be a teacher, to help change the world one child at a time. But then there's photography, which I love because of the creativity and challenge it brings.
And then there's the question of college. What should I study? For how many years should I study? And where should I study it?
During the past month, God has opened a door.
I emailed my photography teacher, asking her what I would need to do to be a teacher on our online school. She wrote back almost instantaneously with many details and suggestions, then she said, "I've been looking for an intern whom I can teach to help me with photography classes and grading. And maybe helping me teach the course someday." I got excited. Teaching photography? Combining two of the things I love most? Why didn't I think of that?
I set up a time with my teacher to meet with her online and talk a little about the future and the possibility of me being an intern for her.
A few days ago, we had the meeting. I was shaking from excitement and nerves. We started talking. "What do you want to do in the future?" she asked. I had to reply honestly. "I don't really know, I've always wanted to teach," I said. "Ever since I was a girl, I've always wanted to teach. My heart pumps wildly at the thought of teaching. I feel like I was born to teach." Excited, my teacher said, "Well, if I were to train someone, it would be a must that this person had a heart for teaching-- and it looks like you do." She asked me many other questions, including what I planned to do next year. I replied that it would be a light year, since I already have all the credits I need to finish high school this year. But I need a year to think and pray about what God wants me to do and study. I told her I'd be taking very few classes this next year, maybe getting a job to start saving for college.
My teacher was extremely excited about this. :)
By the end of the meeting, we were both pretty sure that I will be an intern for her. We both feel God opening this door. He has provided for the both of us, as I was not sure what God wanted me to do and my teacher desperately needed someone to help her teach and grade assignments and so forth.
We will be staying in contact and keeping things open to let God lead where He will.
Please pray that God will continue to work through this opportunity and that I will be able to be an intern for my teacher if it is His will.

The Real Meaning of Thanksgiving

Most Americans know the story of the Pilgrims and the first Thanksgiving. They know all about how the Indians and Pilgrims shared food that day and thanked God for all He had done for them. Some people know that Lincoln was the person who proclaimed a day for giving God thanks and that Franklin Delano Roosevelt declared that Thanksgiving be celebrated on the fourth Thursday of every November.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, a day that is for most people just a day to get together with family, stuff themselves with turkey, and watch football. For me it is much more than that. It is a chance to remember Jesus' ultimate sacrifice for me. It is a chance to remember God's authority and sovereignty even when I can't understand why He does what He does. It is a chance to thank Him for everything He does for me. "O, give thanks unto the Lord, for He is good..." But like most religious holidays, Thanksgiving has been transformed into just another holiday when the family gets together and celebrates. What are they celebrating? They don't even think about it-- or want to think about it. The only purpose for Thanksgiving, according to them, is to eat turkey and be merry with friends and family. Some other people may actually give God thanks for what He has done, but it is the only day of the whole year that they actually take the time to do so.

Hopefully for you Thanksgiving is more than all this. Hopefully you, too, understand what a great opportunity it is to be able to give thanks for everything. But hopefully it's not the only day you give thanks to God. Many times we get so caught up in our lives that we forget to thank God for what He does in our lives. We forget to tell the Giver of All Good Gifts that we are thankful for what He has bestowed upon us. May we never forget what Thanksgiving is really for--and may we never forget to thank God every day, and not just on this special holiday set aside for thanksgiving.

The Way Out

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13, NASB

I read this in my devotions today, and what a wonderful reminder. So often I fall so short of what God asks of me. So often I fail Him, and fall into temptation. I allow my desires to overcome me. But there is always a way out. No matter what temptation I face, God will always be watching me, and He gives me the strength to get out of it. Even when I do fail Him, I can come to Him and ask forgiveness. He is so faithful to forgive me when I have sinned against Him, and how amazing it is that He completely FORGETS our sin! If we take time to think about this, it's very odd. How could God forget something? He knows ALL. He never forgets anything. He knows every little detail about us, even how many hairs we have on our head! He knows our deepest, darkest secrets. And yet He FORGETS our sins! He knows and remembers so much, and yet he CHOOSES to forget. What a mighty, wonderful God I serve! What amazing love He shows me every day!